CSI Chennai

India v South Africa, Chepauk Cricket Stadium, Chennai.
The start of the match was brilliant. The noise was deafening: the crowd armed with a natural ability to shout, whistles and trumpets that sound like a duck if you kick it. Their stamina for making unintelligible noise is impressive - no wonder they took to call centres so well.

In the capacity crowd, there were no South African's at all. A reason to go again.

We were having a great time. Sehwag scored a record 319, Dravid passed 10,000 career runs and they were selling spicy stuff under the stand. Then: shit, where's my wallet? I had been pick pocketed.

I remember when it happened. A well organised trap at the gates, involving a spotter, 2 blockers and a pick pocket at least. Armed with this information, but more interested in an Insurance number, we left for the police station at lunch, eager to see how Indian crime solving would interpret my information and keep crime off Chennai's streets.

At the station
They sat me down, gave me a pen & paper and...dictated me a letter! I was to write to the District Superintendent and ask him to help look at my case. Awesome. It's not like we expected the sarge to thump the table, shout 'not on my manor!' and run down the road with his gun out, but write a letter? Brilliant. No need for a quick get away here then. Have you planned the get away? Yeah, I thought we'd watch a bit of the match, then go for a nice lunch somewhere...they've got some nice stuff in Top Shop I thought we could look at...

When I had finished copying the letter, the sarge drew himself up, looked me in the eye and I thought, ok here we go. The letter was just a starter.

"In your country", he asked, now leaning forward "how much is 1kg of cooking oil?" Where the fuck is this going? I dunno. 100 Rupees. He nodded sagely.

"In your country, do you eat tomato's?"
Yes.

"In your country, how much is 1kg of tomatoes?" You'll be wanting to know what Nectar points you get next,will you? 200 Rupees.

"Right" replied the Sergeant. Stamp stamp stamp with his rubber stamp on the letter and that was it, case closed. We were free to go!

It was like being in CSI Miami. Amazing. Sherlock Holmes eat your heart out. Mrs Marple, stand down. You're not needed for this one.